One of my FaceBook buddies posed this question a while back, and responders gave some expected answers: losing my health, something happening to my kids, bugs, enclosed spaces etc. And I was just about to comment about my fear of heights when I watched my fingers type – I’m afraid I won’t measure up.
Well. There it is. I sat back in my chair. Where did that come from?
Oh, I suspect it’s been there a long, long time, taking the shine off my accomplishments, trying to get me to believe that the best I can hope for is a life of mediocrity, that I will never, ever, be good enough.
Then I asked myself a question: if I’m afraid I won’t measure up, what exactly am I measuring myself against? Yup, you got it gentle readers – other people. And God! there is such dis-ease in that! “I’ll never have their spirituality. I’ll never write like that, or preach like that, or sing like that, or accomplish what they have, or keep as clean a house as they do.” (Um, I’ve kinda given up on that last one. I mean, let’s face it…)
But if I compare myself with myself, I see such growth, and such potential! I have ventured to do things I never thought I would in a million years! I have learned to do things that have enabled me to be of service to others and enriched my own life at the same time. I have shown strength, compassion, friendship and creativity. I’m a handy person to have around, a good listener, a unique writer, open to new ideas, willing to learn, and I’m funny as hell. Against the measuring stick of my own goals and aspirations, I’m doing pretty good. Not perfect – still have that housework issue to work on – but not bad. And I’m only going to get better. So I guess I admitted and overcame my greatest fear practically at the same time.
Which is not a bad day’s work. 
